Chantal Dawtrey Consultants

When we don’t look after ourselves, how does this affect how we coach?

Chantal Dawtrey — Sun, 21 May 2017 12:54:37 +0000

I am a self confessed flag bearer for coaching supervision. I make no excuses for it. I have personally experienced the multifaceted benefits to me and my practice, I deep dived into the practice for the academic research for my Masters and for my sins was "voluntold" to chair, for now, the Comensa Supervision Portfolio Committee. So, let's be frank, I am biased.

In May 2017, the Gauteng region of the Supervision Portfolio Committee celebrated International Supervision Day by hosting a morning for coaches titled: Vulnerability - Who we are is how we supervise/coach. Many coaches came who were not in supervision and wanted to find out more. Inevitably the ever present resistance to the term supervision raised its head. The word has heavy connotations of managerial oversight in this country. It puts coaches off that do not understand the offering. Locally and internationally there have been many debates about the value of keeping or changing the name of what we do. I have no intention of entering the debate here, in fact my wish is that it become a commonly understood term in the coaching, mentoring and consultancy arenas. But more on that at another time.

It was a morning of discussion, interaction and a taste of group supervision. Coaches and supervisors left buoyed by discussions about what it means to be vulnerable and how it impacts their practice as coaches. The experience of supervision in small groups gave naysayers the opportunity to re-frame their understanding of supervision. Participants expressed how valuable they found the morning, how they wanted more of these interventions. How they now knew the difference between supervision and coaching. How now they saw the necessity for the practice.

Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.

Deborah Day

As the room cleared and the space became quiet, I pondered over how to harness this energy, how to encourage these coaches to find suitable supervisors, to attend regular supervision. I reflected that come Monday, most will probably get on with the pursuit of their work. They will become consumed by the day to day challenges that come with running a coaching practice. They will forget about themselves as people who need support, themselves as professionals who need to ensure they offer ethically sound work and themselves as coaches who continually need to sharpen the saw. I wondered about who we are as coaches that we put our professionalism, ourselves and our development last? How does this affect how we coach?

I believe my job as a coach is to model how I want my clients to show up. I am a business coach so I understand how difficult it is to show vulnerability in the workplace. I also believe that we only start to shift when we drop our masks and face who we are in all our divine imperfection. I cannot expect my clients to feel safe enough to show their vulnerability if I am not prepared to be vulnerable myself. I coach the whole person. I listen to clients, veritable slaves to their master corporate, who wear themselves out trying to balance family and work demands, who are connected 24/7 to their laptops, e-mails and multiple message systems.

Who am I to challenge them to take better care of themselves if I don't or won't take care of myself? If I sell coaching as developmental and I don't develop myself, what am I selling? How can I purport to be a professional if I refuse to hold myself up for scrutiny?

I go to supervision because I am painfully aware of what I do not know. I go to be held in a safe space, to be listened to, to be challenged. I go, because I want to be the best person, coach and professional I can be. I want that for all my fellow coaches. I often hear fellow coaches talk about how they cannot understand why anyone would not want to be coached. I ask the same thing: how can coaches not want to attend supervision?

Life beyond the crossroads looks like…

Chantal Dawtrey — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 15:19:23 +0000

What is your crossroads? What dilemma, difficult decision or conundrum do you face? Our country sure faces a big one. The Dinokeng Scenarios offered up the three choices: Walk apart; walk behind or walk together. We have 'walked apart' several times since the scenarios were drafted in 2009. Leadership has often appeared unaccountable. As a result, citizens have lost patience and erupted into unrest and protest. Think service delivery protests, student uprisings, xenophobia, Marikana.

The need to 'walk together' is becoming increasingly urgent.

Then there is the uncomfortable sense of the state wanting us to 'walk behind'. It keeps pushing an agenda for more intervention and control, giving lip service to the need to grow employment while increasing dependence on it in the form of grants. It treats its citizens as if they were children who need to be rescued and protected, not adults, intelligent and resourceful enough to make our own decisions and find our own solutions.

The need to 'walk together' is becoming increasingly urgent. This depends on the will and ability of citizens to organise themselves and engage with authorities. It also asks for a political leadership that is willing to engage citizens. Yet government seems only to listen when the courts call on it to, and even then there are signs of increasing deafness. A common vision for a #FlourishingSouthAfrica was formed with the National Development Plan. Many civil organisations have since formed to raise the voice of the unheard and to propel government to 'walk together'.

I have joined this group of people. On Day 2 of the Community Building workshop I committed to being the possibility that ignites the potential in others to become, with me, Active Citizens for a #FlourishingSouthAfrica. What does this mean? I am not going to start something new. I am going to join the voices of those who are already working at this. Through this blog, social media, and by connecting with others. Inch by inch I believe I can help change the narrative. I have started focusing on the flip side of the downward spiral conversation. I have started to build appreciation in all my interactions. I am considering what gifts I have held in exile that I can use to build community.

Life beyond the crossroads looks like this for me: hundreds, thousands of small groups gathering together to work on what they want to change in their communities. Calling on the gifts of that community and not waiting for government, big business or 'labour leaders'. All of these working towards a #FlourishingSouthAfrica, a #FlourishingAfrica, a #FlourishingWorld. And so the upward spiral turns.

The discomfort of confronting yourself

Chantal Dawtrey — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:06:34 +0000

Day 1 of the Community Building Workshop was a mixture of the swooping warm energy of engagement, the giddy joy of appreciation, the spiraling confusion of being misunderstood, and the iron clad courage of finding my voice. I almost lost it after several minutes, at different intervals, of making myself heard over the cacophony of fifty others in tight circles of four or five or six. Do have any idea how loud a group of fifty-odd adults can be all talking in tight circles? I should have lost my hearing, with all the straining to listen to the others. But I lost my voice in the listening. Almost.

I had to confront myself today. I had to listen to my stutterings about my cross roads, and realise that I have been here before

I used to be that one who raised her hand and spoke. The one who always had something to say, usually about herself, or about how something was not as right as it should be. I've always been pretty good at noticing what is not as right as it should be. And yet, I called myself the ultimate positive-thinker! After many years of self-work, and believe me, it has taken a lot, I now stay silent and let others talk. I listen and try not to judge. To listen with an open heart is an ongoing journey and I still have my L-plates on. I don't think I will ever get rid of them.

What I noticed was the willingness to share, the eagerness to appreciate and the intensity of listening. I also noticed how easy it is to leave someone out of the conversation, simply by the turn of your body and where your eyes land. It was a lesson in exclusion. I know the person did it completely unconsciously and I wondered when I had done something like that too. How ironic that in the midst of engagement and appreciation and good feelings there was also this. A powerful lesson.

I had to confront myself today. I had to listen to my stutterings about my cross roads, and realise that I have been here before. I had to deal with the discomfort of being judged and misunderstood. I still feel the pangs of concern and wonder if I am truly up to this. The thing is, I have said it out loud. I have told a whole host of people what I want to do. I can't go back now. Not that anyone will know any difference if I do. I will, though, and then I truly will be the problem, instead of the possibility. I choose to consider the question: To what extent am I truly invested in the well-being of the whole? When I consider that question I cannot hide. I sense the beginning of a move from problem-solving to being open to possibilities.

What it means to be a citizen

Chantal Dawtrey — Tue, 01 Sep 2015 18:48:30 +0000

A citizen is one who is willing to be accountable for and committed to the well-being of the whole", Peter Block. What does that mean for me? Is the well being of the whole up to me? Really? That is a seriously big responsibility. One that on first glance I think I would prefer to run from. Hide from. Put blinkers on and defer to my august leaders for. They can look after the whole, isn't that their job? Isn't that why I put them into power? Isn't that why I love to point fingers at them and moan and blame them for not doing their job?

A citizen is one who produces the future, someone who does not wait, beg, or dream for the future

'Them', that word of otherness. But then I would be giving away my power. I would be letting others decide on my future for me. That I will do no more. Okay, so if not them, then me. I am still wondering, though, how do I be accountable and committed to the well-being of the whole? What will it take? Do I have to throw money at every beggar on every street corner? Buy a broom every time the intercom buzzes? The 'whole' means education and jobs. It means safety and houses, and food and care and love. It all feels too large and overwhelming.

Peter Block reminds us: " A citizen is one who produces the future, someone who does not wait, beg, or dream for the future." How do I do this? How do I go about producing the future? I really want to know. I have children who need to live in this country. They don't have to but it would be nice if they could. It would be wonderful if they could find a way to be part of this country's future.

I hope to be closer to the answer soon. Tomorrow I attend a wonderful workshop called: Learning the Art of Community Building.

Stay tuned, I may have some interesting insights to share.

#SAVision2030 What are You Doing??

Chantal Dawtrey — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 14:46:06 +0000

In his book Community, The Structure of Belonging, Peter Block reminds us about how we "love our habit of dependency and accept the culture of retribution because it reinforces the case for strong leaders - 'strong' being the code word for autocratic, a message our culture is increasingly willing to accede to." (p40) He goes on to say that "it is this love of leaders that limits our capacity to create an alternative future" (p41) because only leaders are seen as being important and capable of anything. It lets citizens "off the hook and breeds citizen dependency and entitlement." (p41) It also gives us "someone to blame" (p41).

The reality of what you see comes from what you choose to look at

It sounds like he is talking about my country. South Africa. And he is right. We do constantly look to our leaders, both political and business, to make things right. To fix the mess, to save us. We also blame them for the mess we have found ourselves in. We get despondent and hopeless, railing at the inexplicable decisions that resulted in our power failures, water shortages, ailing schools, ongoing unemployment and persistent poverty.

Peter Block says, "the reality of what you see comes from what you choose to look at." (p42). I have grown tired of looking at the bad, the corrupt and the wasteful. It weighs me down and keeps me stuck. It makes me feel lost and despairing. I am as much a product of this place as I am part of the problem. Now I choose to change my narrative. I choose to see possibility. The possibility that is "not a prediction or a goal, [but] a choice to bring a certain quality into [my life]." (p42)

I choose to stand for what is written in the National Development Plan. Our National Development Plan. I choose not to wait for leaders but to be part of a community that cares. That what I do and how I do it, is as important as what I want to achieve. I say: "I cannot be without you, without you this South African community is an incomplete community, without one single person, without one single group, without the region or the continent, we are not the best we can be." (Vision Statement: NDP, p19)

My world feels richer, fuller, plumper, despite the markets crashing, the threat of more retrenchments, the scramble of teachers teaching to pass ANA's rather than focusing on the children. I can make a difference. I am making a difference. It may be small but possibly others will find it in them to change their narratives too. Will find it in them to join this community. This community for a #FlourishingSouthAfrica. I did not start it but I do choose to join it rather than starting something new. Why separate what can be joined?

Will you join us too?

The day after Christmas

Chantal Dawtrey — Fri, 26 Dec 2014 07:24:07 +0000

On the day after Christmas the world feels like a quieter place. The frenetic energy of the last few days has calmed. The roads are empty as traffic lights blink to no-one. Some flash only red in rain flooded sulkiness. People emerge into the new day looking sleepy and full. Everything feels full and slow. The fridge is overflowing with leftovers and the dustbin bursts with scrunched up wrappings. New toys, clothes, gifts fill surfaces and closets.

Today feels like the kind of day to sit back and reflect on the good of life

Today feels like the kind of day to sit back and reflect on the good of life. In a world where so much is not good, where crime and grime and ugliness fills our screens, and shrieks at us, it feels like the world needs an equal dose of goodness and gratitude. Today, as a grey quilt softens the sky and cools the earth, I think of how much I have to be thankful for. But as I start to count my blessings I can't help but think of those who are less fortunate.

It can't be avoided, considering the juxtaposition of my life of abundance against the backdrop of many who go without all the time. And it does make me sad but rather than turn away from it I face it head on. I guess the sweetness of gratitude is felt more deeply when paired with a stabbing knowledge of the other side of life. I wonder how to do this with compassion. I wonder how to stand in this place and unzip my protective cover and let the scream for humanity blast out while I stay whole.

Suddenly the world does not feel as quiet as it did a moment ago. Somewhere there is an ominous bubbling. But that is not why I came here today. I came to remember the good and to be grateful. I take a deep, deep breath and sigh it out. Blowing still the bubbling. Clearing my mind and bringing back the light. Today I am grateful. For so, so much. And humble in it, I hope.

What is it about the colour Red?

Chantal Dawtrey — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:16:36 +0000

And yellow or orange? Do these colours send electric impulses through the eyes of the observer, usually in a motor vehicle, causing them to press their accelerators down even harder? Do they make individuals rage with fury at the thought of being stopped? Hence the urge to attack and move forward at speed, rather than stop? Is there any way to reverse this automatic response in some?

A challenge: today stop at every red traffic light

So a challenge: today stop at every red traffic light and red stop sign. Stop. Breathe. Look around. Not at your phone. Look around. Be surprised. You may even get to your destination on time.

When last did you learn something about yourself that changed your life?

Chantal Dawtrey — Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:10:16 +0000

Learning. That word: learning. What images, thoughts or feelings does it conjure up for you, I wonder? Does it bring back memories of stuffy school classrooms, and stuffier teachers? Did you learn anything there that changed your life? I can't say that I did.

I did meet someone who determined the course of my life. An English teacher. I only had her for one year. Mrs Clarke. Conservative, large in her baby blue A-line crimpolene dresses and dark framed glasses, but accommodating of a class of misfits. And me the misfit among misfits. Academic, do-gooder, conscientious, hardworker in a class of reprobates, laggards and truants. Someone to hate. If not hate, certainly to dislike.

I cannot even remember what Mrs Clarke did to make English come alive for me. But she did. And I loved the subject. Every last Shakespearean play, every poem, every bit of creative writing or piece of work we were tasked to do. I continued with the subject of my love to university and eventually became an English teacher myself. So I suppose school, or at least Mrs Clarke, did teach me something.

Learning is something I love to do. It has driven me to seek variety in my working life (I only managed one year as a teacher). And kept me going back to university for more. More courses, more subjects, more books. My children look at me aghast when I tell them that I get excited walking into a library. (Poor Mom, she really needs to get out more!)

But what have I learned lately that has changed my life? Having one's life change is a big deal. I realize that the very act of studying and learning something new changes one but I am talking about big Aha's, realizations that cause the world as we know it to split - maybe softly, maybe with the heaving mess of a violent storm, and then to reform. Forever different. Or at least until the next time.

So what have I learned lately that has changed my life? It bears some consideration. For I want to learn, I want to grow, I want to move. But am I? What have you learned lately that has changed your life? Do you dare to stop and reflect? Or will it be too painful to look in the mirror and realize that little has changed? Little has moved? Or maybe you are too afraid of not being able to recognize yourself anymore? Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe by not recognizing yourself you will pause, stand a while, and get to know yourself a little bit better.

Being coached

Chantal Dawtrey — Tue, 30 Jul 2013 06:59:56 +0000

For me, being coached gave me the privilege of having my very own learning partner. Someone who focused solely on me for 1.5hrs a month over a period of 10 months, giving me 15 hours of intense one on one work. The accelerated learning, the opportunity to embed it in the spaces between the sessions, the thrill of being exposed to something new, of being asked questions I had never encountered before, the excuse to exercise my head and my heart are all the reasons I became a coach.

Not everyone understands what coaching is and how it works. I go to a private pilates instructor twice a week. I have to get up at 5am to get my chores done in time for me to get to the gym by 6am. Here I immerse myself in the flow of the positions of my body. I concentrate on getting the movements right, the engagement of certain muscles, where my eyes are, am I breathing? I do it on myself, for myself but always knowing that I have the eye of a committed partner trained on my every move; straightening a leg here, adjusting an arm there, checking that I am feeling the exertion in the right place and not forcing or over extending in any other. Ensuring that my alignment is correct and my breathing assists the movement and does not hinder it. She is an almost unobtrusive guide, gently perfecting and pushing, shaping and training each muscle group so they work together to better support, protect and enhance my physical, mental and even spiritual health.

This is how I see coaching. The coachee has to commit to pitching up, on time, ready and in the frame of mind to do the work. The coach guides, engages, pushes, challenges, adjusts and moves the coachee through a series of processes, question frameworks, physical movements, and silence to explore, surface, hone and perfect what is hidden there already. Bringing it to the surface to accept, change, improve or simply maintain what is already a strengthened attribute or behaviour.

The coachee arrives willing and prepared, the coach arrives willing, open, curious and prepared. Together they embark on a journey. One and a half hours today, a lifetime of change tomorrow.

Mediation the way to go?

Chantal Dawtrey — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:13:20 +0000

I recently received my international accreditation as a mediator and this morning went to a morning get together to refresh skills and get news on the status of mediation in the country.

So many mediators have a legal background but it was refreshing to see more of a diverse background from those who made the time to attend. I was reminded again of the benefits of mediating, something South African companies don't really consider unless it is for labour issues.

Mediation can be very successfully used when there is serious disagreement in the workplace that is undermining the progression of a project or just getting in the way of reasonable work relations. Mediation is voluntary and confidential. The mediator facilitates a conversation in a safe environment with the view to the participants reaching an agreement. It is a simple and effective route to dispute resolution. I think it should be used more often.

If you have a situation that you think could be addressed with mediation give me a call.